Sometimes I am reminded of the days, not many years ago, when I was a little kid at school. We were taught the history of Israel (naturally, it wasn't from a particularly objective point of view) and there was a very strong emphasis on the wars Israel has fought. Of course it was all about Israel being this tiny little country that was just founded and all it's big bad scary enemies all around, attacking. And of course, much like the David and Goliath story, against all odds little Israel fought hard and brave and prevailed. I remember the overwhelming pride I felt. Nowadays, it saddens me deeply; it saddens me that I didn't understand then what I understand now and it saddens me that I can't feel that pride anymore.
Often when I talk to people about politics, people who are on the other side of the political prism, they misunderstand my point of view on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. They seem to think I am whole heartedly for the Palestinian people and completely against Israel. The problem is that I am indeed whole heartedly for the Palestinian people but I am also still very much for Israel. And that is a problem because it creates much pain and sadness, to see what this country I love has turned into and to realize time and time again that it doesn't seem like it will because what many people, me included, have hoped it will be.
It might sound quite strange, but sometimes I am a little bit envious of the Palestinian people, in the sense that they are now in the battle for independence, the most righteous of battles, and they know they're right in their goals and I can't possibly ever feel that way about my country.
I don't know if this makes much sense. And it might seem as though I'm whining about things that don't matter, because things are blowing up and people are dying and I'm talking about lost national pride, but it's just what I feel sometimes.